Honesty

Someone lied to me the other day. I know this isn’t an earth-shattering way to start a blog post. I’m not even sure they realized they were lying to me. But they were, and it was one lie too many from this person. And then someone let me down, using ‘I was being nice’ as their defense. I just couldn’t believe them either.

Now I’m not out to write a rant. But these episodes got really under my skin and I chewed over them a lot, and got angry and upset and sang ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ a few times, even though there was no actual break-up. And after all that thinking, I realized two things. Firstly, Taylor Swift is awesome, so I bought one of her albums. Secondly, we need more honesty in what we say.

I know I let people down sometimes. I try not to, because I like to be a man of my word. If I think I can’t do something, I’ll say. If I say I can help someone, I’ll follow through. I won’t say I’m a saint. I know I occasionally let people down, and tell white lies. But I really try not to. English is like every other language; so rich and versatile, that there’s a word for every situation, that allows us to be honest without being mean.

This honesty has to be foundations for every society. When you believe what someone is saying, you believe in them. You trust them. That’s not to say you have to like them as your friend, but it allows for everyone to be friendly. I don’t want people to be ‘nice’ to me, not least because ‘nice’ is such a wishy-washy word. I want people to be honest with me, so I can build a trusting relationship with them. Of course, the limits of that trust will shift from person to person, but at least it’s there.

So now I’ll be honest. I’m taking part in Movember for the third year running. I thought I’d stop after one, but the lure of knowing each time I will make a difference was too strong to resist. This difference may not be in money. As much as I appreciate that the fight against men’s cancers needs funding (and will welcome any donations to my effort), I also know a blank cheque won’t cure cancer. Instead I want to focus on a difference in getting men to talk about and examine their health. That’s why I can’t comprehend people saying they’re just ‘doing it for fun’. You can grow a moustache anytime of the year for fun. Only in Movember can you grow it and seize the chance to talk to everyone you know about men’s health. Please don’t let that pass by.

To be a man of my word I vow this year to take part in Movember by growing a moustache, learning about men’s health and then implementing it in my life. I’m not doing it to be ‘nice’ or to ‘do my bit’ in any tick-box way. I’m doing it because there is a problem, and I can do something about it.

I’ll be sharing what I learn about men’s health on this blog throughout Movember. You can sponsor me at: mobro.co/JoeyKnock.

Action 91: Take the stairs

Lifts have their place. I don't just mean in lift shafts. I mean, sometimes, taking the lift rather than the stairs is the most sensible option. I always take the lift in Ikea Coventry, its 5 big flights of stairs to climb up otherwise. So I get the lift, get my full English breakfast, get the lift down. OK, it doesn't sound the healthiest start to the day, but sometimes I walk to Ikea. Or sometimes I do get the first bus after 9.30, with all the over 60s on it, because they have their free bus passes.

Anyway, lifts serve a purpose. They can take us up many many floors. Or they can help us move heavy items. Definitely the lift in our local Safeways was only good for moving heavy items - if you didn't have a trolley, it was always quicker to take the stairs. So while Mum pushed the button and waited to get up to the car park, my brothers and I would race up the stairs, sit on the bench and pretend to fall asleep by the time Mum came out the lift. Never say the Knock brothers weren't cool kids.

Here are six reasons to take the stairs:

• It's a little bit of physical exertion that adds up to give you a healthier, longer life
• If everyone starts taking the stairs, it stops energy being wasted on lifts full of people who really don't need to use them
• Stairs tend to be more open spaces then lifts, and especially if you're going to the office, to sit at a crammed desk for hours on end, surely you want to make the most of the open spaces around you
• Lifts can break, and you can get stuck in them. That doesn't happen with stairs.
• If you see someone on the stairs you don't want to talk to at that particular time, you can (safely) speed past them. If you're in a lift with that person, you can't escape so quickly
• Led Zeppelin wrote a song called 'Stairway to Heaven'. And Robin the Frog from The Muppets sang 'Halfway Down The Stairs'. I can't think of any great songs about lifts.

What matters to me

I’ve been up and down like a yoyo this summer. I’ve had days where I’ve wallowed far too much, where the only thing motivating me to get out of bed has been ITV’s daytime schedule. But I’ve also have a lovely time in Scotland, lived the VIP lifestyle (if only for a day) and just enjoyed drinking cup after cup of tea. And while my life has slowed down so much compared to life at university, the news agenda seems to have sped up over the summer. All of those dramatic and heart-breaking events (Norway, Somalia, Libya, UK riots, News of the World to name a few) occurring during a calm summer for me personally have given me a lot of time to think on my life.

I want to say I’ve come up with some revolutionary life philosophy because of it. I haven’t, I can’t splurt out how to live when everyone is so different. But I’m happy I know what’s important to me in life. At the heart of it is still three quotes I had on my heart when I went off to university for the first time: ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’, ‘Never undervalue yourself’ and ‘Take a colouring book with you’. They all link together in my mind: You’ve got to live your life as you think is good, and realize the impact you can have on the world. But the world can also have a big impact on you, and sometimes doing colouring-in will calm that stress.

More specifically I’ve realized how much I value honesty. Everyone is different and that can be hard, but when we open up to one another, when we talk to them, not disregard them as some other we don’t want in our lives, we can understand different points of view, different ways of life that bit better. I’m proud to wear my heart on my sleeve, to tell people what I believe in and why, and to listen to what they have to say. JS Mill’s views on liberty and individuality seem pretty spot on to me.

That’s how I want to live my life. I want to be honest, I want to talk and listen, and I want to know I have an impact on the world and act to make it the best impact I can. I know it’ll stress me out at times. And I know it’ll stress other people out far more than me. That’s why my favourite word is compassion: realizing the struggles and tragedies everyone goes through, and showing them love and kindness (however is appropriate) to make life that bit easier and calmer.

Someone said yesterday, ‘How can you be successful without making lots of money?’ Well, if I can live a compassionate life and pay the bills, I’ll call that a success.

Lent 9 - 18

Ok so the Facebook struggle continues and largely continues to be lost. I think I have limited my use a bit, but not as massively as I should have done. Certainly even if I still seem to be on Chat waaay too much, I'm not stalking people now. Not that makes me sound good in any respect, but when I say stalking, I just mean when it flashes up in my live feed as to what people are doing - photos, stasuses etc, its not like I'm actually stalking anyone and I'm not planning no any time soon/ever.

I think it has helped me feel less stressy though. I get too stressy trying to keep up with people are doing and I guess trying to keep people up with what I'm doing, showing them this is my life and my life is fun. I don't think my life can really be that fun if I become compelled to rub it in people's faces and earn their support.

I still have moments when I think, oh, this occasion would make a good update. Like when I was wearing my jacket inside out, took it off to rectify it, only to realise a further 100m down the street it was still outside out. Or just to say how much I love Rev and everyone there. But I don't need Facebook to share those stories.

Lent 3-8

Things were going so well, really really well in fact. I was doing work and not being distracted by Facebook. I was actually looking at people not my BlackBerry when I was talking with them. I was keeping mycommitment.

And then Monday came along. Now the BlackBerry is still going well, but the problem is i wont miss my BlackBerry if I'm just spending more time on my laptop and well that is what happened. Rather badly. The 10 minute maximum essential Facebook communication kind of disintegrated, and I only really acknowledged that when I was half way clicking through a friend's photo album. I still didn't and still don't let myself see a Live Feed, I think trying to kid myself into thinking I'm still starving myself of Facebook. But the reailty is from Monday to Wednesday it has been a distraction from work.

Now I could look at this as a failure. It kind of is, seeing how I am actually on Facebook now talking to people as I type this. But it is still only one week in of over 6. That still leaves way over a month to go, and a month is ample time for transformation. I do need to bring back the self discipline and stamina I had last week and I guess maybe this week, for various reasons I just have not been in the mood to do that. And now I do feel in a better, more optimistic mood. Optimism isn't action though. I can't rely on my mood to do the work for me.

65

I should be at home now, I really feel like I should. Dad talked of this day as a goal to look forward to, a party worth celebrating. But he didn't reach it. I feel just plain guilty for thinking he was ridiculous, talking about his 65th birthday 2 and a half years early. And now he's not here. I feel like the ridiculous one. I really do.

I'm not at home though, and I don't think I need to feel bad about that. I'm doing what he wants me to, I'm doing what he showed me. He may not have been an academic but he was a hard worker and I've been working hard, not just in my studies but in the kitchen or on the phone or anywhere else. Working hard isn't all about making money and making your life, it's about working hard to show kindness to others. I'm still not there, but I am getting closer to being like him. It's an impossible target, as I can only ever be me, but I know I'd be better for being more like him. he was no saint, he was a human, but I like to think a pretty damn good one.

Now I feel less ridiculous, because it is still a party worth celebrating. It may be a party without any location and it may not be a birthday party anymore. It's an anniversary instead - 65 years of kindness and influence in not just my life but I am sure the lives of many others now and in the future. It's an influence I don't ever want to forget, although it's so big I never could forget. I feel so proud being able to say that. That's why I still want a 'party' - so everyone can know how amazing and lucky I feel to still know his presence everyday.

Lent 1-2

Day one was bad. I actually woke up feeling lost, like there was now a great big hole in my life. I spent the whole day pointlessly looking at my phone for emails and Facebook notifications that were never gonna come. And sending texts with a plethora of typos or even blank texts as I tried to get back to using a standard phone keypad, not a qwerty one. Nevertheless, I made it through the day with only the briefest and allowable visit to Facebook.

Day two was so much easier. I think it was because I was busier. I took a book with me on my day out which was very good seeing as I otherwise would have gone crazy spending 90 minutes on a bus crawling through the Warwickshire snow. Whereas on Day One, I was thinking to myself, this hole is not being filled with anything, I am still not concentrated on things, on Day Two I actually realised I was far less distracted. I paid attention to everyone who spoke to me. Except when I interrupted Clare about a hundred times but I always do that kind of thing.

My mind is still thinking, I wonder what that person is doing, I am curious to know what's going on. And I have all these thoughts in my head, but no one to tell them to. Well no network of 900+ people to see into my crazy thoughts. And its only two days in. But if the improvement from Day One to Day Two is anything to go by, maybe I'll find this to be a bit of a breeze.